Being One in God

Our Lord addresses many issues in His word concerning intimate relationships between men and women. He knew we’d have challenges living with each other. Everyone does, regardless of culture, beliefs, or even gender. We are created in His image and likeness, male and female, and we are to be made one in Christ Jesus. We all are created to desire being loved. God knows this and He made us this way.

Without wisdom, many confuse love with sexual attraction but there is so much more to the quality of love that God intends for couples. God is the great Counselor during difficult times. When we struggle with difficulties, inevitably trying to change our partners, we may cry out, “But Lord, it’s so hard. S/he is not doing what You said…”. Well, yes. Who told you it would not be hard on our flesh to do what God asks of us, to be willing to do His will, in His way and in His time?

When God calls two to become one in Him, the joining process takes time, determination, and commitment. Yes, we know God makes a way when we are doing His will but He is not a cookie cutter God who created us all to travel the same path. No one has the ideal family and God has it all covered. Why is it that when we observe the differing paths that others take, it seems to threaten our own choices? We can choose to be empathic rather than critical with others whose partnerships and callings differ. God takes care of it all.

We were first created in the same body, united as one being called man, in the likeness of God Himself. When God saw that Adam was lonely, He separated His creation into male and female bodies, making womb-man or woman. You can count on Adam especially delighting in how Eve was different. He needed a helpmeet, the foundational purpose of marriage. We all need companionship and help and God prepared for that.

God is the Master Joiner, the best one to choose whom we will love and create a home to be with and enjoy life together. Our own hearts can be most deceitful when doing our own choosing. When we ask our heavenly Father to choose our spouse, waiting upon Him to do it, our marital prospects for a blessed future increase. It also helps if others are praying for wise choices to be made when the time comes.

There will be challenges and issues, of course and even some meant-to-be Christian relationships also fail in this life. Not every partner or couple is enabled to stay the course, but when God puts two together, this is ideally the lasting relationship never to be severed. Even when God does the joining by His choice for us, sustaining our union together, we still have moments of bafflement or discord, finding ourselves reminding God that this person was His idea for us!

The Concordant Literal New Testament puts it this way:

“‘…and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mark 10:89 CLV

This passage does not specify separation by divorce. It may also include the ways we separate from our partners emotionally and physically as well. God’s intent is to put us together, but not all people in relationships were put together by God. They did not ask God nor follow the leading of the holy spirit in their choices. Their intimate relationships are not based upon God’s joining by the spirit but by their own ideas and desires. Other factors were more important in drawing them together than God’s guidance and direction in this choice.

The apostle Paul gave guidance and direction to partners when one is a non-believer. It is likely that there were many situations such as this in the early Christian church. Converts were many, but may also been married to those who did not accept the faith of Jesus nor the potential sacrifice and danger conversion would mean. In such cases, Paul said:

“But if the unbeliever leaves, let him go. The believing brother or sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Regardless, each one should lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is what I prescribe in all the churches. 1 Corinthians 7:15-17 BSB

Paul is honoring the differences in calling and divine path, one that God has called so that we may live in peace. He ils not making a law of no divorce but honoring God as the One in charge. Being unequally yoked is one reason that divorce was allowed. He is cautioning those considering marriage or joined to an unbeliever to make no assumption that their partner will be saved. Paul held to these words so strongly it is what he taught in all the churches.

Yet how many insisting on staying in a marriage recall the first few verses of these passages?Actions that release one partner from bondage, that prioritize God’s peace, and to be obedient to the life God has assigned to them is the directive. Mercy and forgiveness , as well as physical safety, are key factors in the spiritual guidelines Paul urges them to follow. God has always prioritized His specific calling above sustaining relationships. If this is a surprise, reread the Old Testament.

Two Christians can also be unequally yoked. Just because a married couple sits beside each other in church does not mean they are equally yoked in God. There are couples where one is a nominal Christian who attends church occasionally out of duty, to please their spouse, or for social or business purposes. They have no heart or hunger for spiritual things. Their spouse, meanwhile, is passionately in love with the Lord, totally committed to His ways. Is this not unequally yoked?

Was God leading this marital choice or was there an assumption that because both are Christians, it must be His idea and plan? This is a critical life decision that believers should not make without the holy spirit. When we deeply love another who is not God’s choice, it is so very difficult, but it is best to walk away. “Whom God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6) underscores that it is God’s job to join us together in Him.

In these matters, God is more merciful than Christians who make divorce into the worst sin, shameful and disqualifying to any believer to whom it happens. It is not outsiders’ business which partner may have yielded to a hard, unchangeable heart that will not consider compromise or wise counsel. Actions on the part of one partner may have made the relationship unsustainable when there is no repentance. Appearances truly can be deceiving.

God release some from the marriage vows when there is gross infidelity, violence, or active opposition to the spiritual life of the believer. Individuals in these marriages end up in a prison house. In God’s mercy, they are being released from such bondage by leaving. God also releases individuals from unbelieving partners if she or he leaves. Marriages without God as the foundation are made in error.

Some couples who divorce were not put together by God in the first place. It’s truth, though resisted by those who insist that Christians should follow the law of never divorcing. Many who end up divorced were young in either age or faith, not serving or being led by God at that time. It is not sin if the person did not know better at the time. Marriages made in foolishness, youth, or other unwise reasons not ordained by God, He certainly can forgive. It need not be a permanent mistake that does damage to all involved.

There are many divorced Christians who give account of the prejudice against them as well as harsh judgment when going through the divorce. This comes from pastors they go to for wise counsel, as well has their felllow believers in the fellowship. Many pastors have no knowledge or understanding of domestic abuse, so give unwise, even dangerous counsel unless the holy spirit is in charge of their ministry.

Stories of rejection and isolation are more common that one would assume. Believers leaving an unfaithful, abusive spouse are excommunicated from their church because of divorcing, even if they are not the one who sought it. Other survivors of divorce are excluded from positions of leadership or teaching in their fellowships. More than one turn away from the church, if not their faith, as they work to heal their broken lives and hearts.

We,, it seems as if some Christians are vmore ready to forgive a murderer than a divorced person! What wounds we add to others when we think we know what someone else should do and how they have missed God according to our rules. We do not know His long-term purpose for a currently troubled marital situation, where some prescribe divorce as the answer and others insist that Christians should always stay.

What is God’s will in the matter? He may turn these things for good, for future change when the believer stays. He may free others from marital bonds that hinder or restrict God’s path for that person. God may join the divorced believer to another believer to unite their calling and path for Him. A higher purpose, thoughts and ways above ours, is always at work in sincere believers desiring to know what the Lord would have them do.

God knows the heart, but we cannot by outward appearance what is God’s will. Only by spiritual discernment may we understand what is in the heart, if we are to be used in some way in the circumstances.. Despite the inevitable gossip and speculations that arise, we know so little about our Christian friends and neighbors within their own households. How can we really understand what led a devout Christian to separate or divorce?

Out of respect for their former spouse and protection of their children, many do not speak of the issues that led to the divorce. The spouse who was innocent of the cause of divorce may be blamed by those who do not know, while s/he is covering their ex-partner’s sin rather than exposing for all to see, causing further harm, particularly to the children.Unless God reveals the core of the matter to us for purposes of intercession or spiritual counsel, we need to guard our tongues from uninformed opinions.

Judgment from Christian brothers and sisters adds to their loss and grief as they go through an unwanted, unplanned-for divorce. No Christian plans to marry with divorce in mind. If they are already planning a way out on their wedding day, they are not meaning the vows they take. But rather than compassion and support from Christian brothers and sisters, many divorcing Christians feel markedly alone.

“[Jesus} said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.’” Matthew 19:8-9 NASB

Hardness of heart is often a factor in divorce but who can judge that without the Lord’s assistance? There should be consensus on leaving when one partner has been immoral, sexuallly unfaithful, but there is not. Hard-liners will insist on staying, no matter how many affairs a partner may have. Others assume there is no repair after infidelity, but there surely is in God. Hardness of heart covers many painful, harmful circumstances and behaviors, betrayals occurring with difficulties that seem unsurmountable as peace and love is destroyed in the home.

Some stay together for the kids, coexisting in peace until the children are grown. Others advise this because we know that children do suffer in divorce. Adults are often marked with events that occurred when they experienced the separation of their parents, with lifelong wounds that need healing. But how many also suffer from unhappy, even violent relationships between their parents? That is an ongoing childhood trauma that will require deeper healing because it destroys the sense of safety all children need.

There is no peace like Paul said we are to seek, for anyone in such a household. Marrying outside of His will or divorcing when it seems impossible to reconcile is it not God’s business. He joins together and He can take apart. Judgement stems from prioritizing the law vs. the heart when couples separate and divorce. When we are led by the spirit, the higher law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus, God, in His mercy, ends some relationships that are harmful or never should have happened.

God has healed many marriages that seemed impossible to mend, as well as ended marrieages to free a believer to a different spiritual future. The Lord’s eternal vision is more important than the law or religious rules. Alternately, God is surely able to sustain an obedient, believing partner while He does His work on the other. There are many unbelievers who are wonderful spouses, while, sadly Christian partners are amont the abusive. Some even use scripture to justify verbal and emotional abuse in the home.

God knows all hearts, which relationships have a good foundation or not, what situations and partners will change. God grants patience and love to those Christiansd where change is so very long in coming. Nothing is impossible with God, but change does happen more rapidly with two willing hearts address problems. It is not an easy path for believers who are walking alone, obedient to God’s word to them to stay the course. Submission to the Lord can hold one in place while the other’s heart is changed.

There are times when God releases a believer from a painful or even dead marital union in order to fulfill His future calling and purpose in their lives. In His mercy, God forgives wrong choices in marriage, as He does other choices from our past.

“So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it, to him it is sin. ... Therefore sin is still in the one that knows to do good and does not do it.” James 4:17 NIV

It is sin when we know the Lord has said not to be married to someone, including an unbeliever, yet we proceed to do so. When we do not know God’s way, when we choose wrongly due to immaturity, impatience, surface attraction, or other factors, and the relationship cannot be sustained, we did not know to do good. God is always able to do repair work. He is not caught by surprise by our choices in life. God can change any heart!

It’s better to be obedient first than risk the potential sacrifices later should that change never happen. Fortunately, some choices we thought were our own turn out to be God’s hand in our lives, whether we knew that at the time or not. God always has His hand on people, some of whom have no clue He is there. Many have faithful intercessors, including parents and grandparents, who have been asking God to make this most critical choice for their loved ones who are seeking a spouse.

God does answer prayer for this choice and for any challenges that follow it, but how many believers know to ask Him? Do they live according to the holy spirit within or just profess a faith in Jesus Christ? Are they living their lives the way they want while minimally serving God on the specified days of the week? The underlying issue is missing God’s will but how are those who are not able, not even taught, that the Lord’s guidance is within them, that the holy spirit reveals God’s will when earnestly sought?

Loving counselors and intercessors aare a wonderful support for any couple going through troubled times. Where there is condemnation or criticism by their body of believers, that support is lacking. When fellowships judge someone who is divorced as unworthy of serving God among them, it adds further wounds. Healing is possible but takes even more time when it is one’s own Christian fellowship that is worsening the pain.

Wise counsel and patience are needed by anyone used to minister or assist other believers who are going through a divorce. Thety learn to guard against words that cause division, generating lasting conflict, along with the bitterness so apparent in many marriages. Agape love brings the oil of forgiveness and restoration, even in believers who are separated or divorced. The heart cannot be free until the anger and hurt of the past relationship is dealt with the believer before God.

Whether we are put together by knowing God’s will or not, our Lord created us for relationships, intending that we would enjoy our relationship with Him and with each other. These man-woman-Jesus Christ unions are those that God Himself has been putting together. It is like gold to find the one God has prepared for you, regardless of what either of you have gone through before. We all need someone to lift us up and keep us warm, stand with us when we are under attack from the enemy of our souls. your the foundation is build by God. He is that sure foundation.

God is the changer of hearts, He is the only unifier of flesh and blood into One in Him. Love is the strongest changer of hearts and He is love. We are different, times change, and so do marriages. Our enemy, including those things in our spouses, is not flesh and blood, but powerful strongholds in the spiritual realm, working to stir up division and strife. We are much tested and indeed learn a great deal we had not anticipated, when God joins us with another.

And many marriages do not survive God’s trials sent for change. God knows the path of life for each one of us. When God does the choosing, it may come as a surprise that He does not rely on the other person calling themselves Christian. God chooses some who do not know the Lord for His beloved believers’ spouses. There are couples whom God has truly put together, while at the moment, one is not a committed believer. God knows when a heart is prepared to receive Him and will work it out.

We are on a path to be more and more like our Lord Jesus Christ, whom God sent as His perfect example. Removing condemnation and judgment for the divorced and divorcing among is on the list to be cleansed from our hearts. Love unites; it never divides. He is always with us and faithful to grant wisdom about being made one in God, united with God’s choice for us.

The Lord will grant knowledge of Whom He has chosen for our life partners when we ask without guile. If one asks sincerely, not seeking an answer that agrees with what we desire, He will grant knowledge of His will to anyone who asks it of Him.He is no respecter of persons. He is inside of us, in spirit, and we can reach out for godly counsel at all times and in all things.

We are His. He alone is able to unite us in Him, to make us one in God.

“God intended that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being.’ As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are His offspring.’” Acts 17:27-28 BSB