Self (?) Control

“Now the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control: against such things there is no law. Now those of Christ Jesus crucify the flesh together with its passions, and lusts.” Galatians 5:22-25 CLV

Self-control? Hmm. There’s that word self and that’s not a reliable source! Isn’t that a contradiction to yielding all to God as He does the work? We can recognize that it is the nature and spirit of God that produces in us all of the fruit of the spirit. We abide in the Vine of His nature as He produces the fruit within us. Why would this one fruit be an exception, something that our self-will is to accomplish?

Self-control comes from the Greek word egkrateia, meaning “continence, temperance,” with the root word implying a strength or power. Continence is bodily control, while temperance shows forth the ability to be moderate and self-restrained. This fruit of the spirit does relate to disciplining our wills to be moderate in all things, not self-indulgently allowing our bodies to do whatever we choose. We have choices about what we yield our wills to do, with the holy spirit ideally given mastery over our soul and body.

Daily life does requires control of the self-will to submit to His will. We do need this fruit of the spirit but the way it has been translated may be misleading. What happens when we ourselves attempt to control our flesh? It’s Romans 7 all over again. HE is our strength when we are weak.

“For I know that in me, that is, in my lower self, nothing good has its home; for while the will to do right is present with me, the power to carry it out is not.” Romans 7:18 Weymouth

It takes a very strong will to deny ourselves what we most want. Some things are easy to control when we have little desire for them. Lack of power over our flesh appears most often in the strong desires of our bodies to be sexual, to eat whatever we want, and to drink to excess. Even those appetites that the world labels good but do not give life are sinful when leading to a lack of self-restraint. When we choose what self wants rather than what God desires, it falls short of God’s perfect will

And speaking of food…that’s one of the battles some of us have. What would God have us eat or not eat? God wants us to enjoy the fruit of our land, but it would seem we believers are excessively tolerant of surfeiting. This is overindulgence, gluttony, or excessive consumption of food and drink, which leads to physical and spiritual sluggishness. We are warned not to allow this, but it seems to be of little concern compared to what we consider the grosser sins of the flesh.

When our physical appetites are out of control, whether for food, drink, or sex, we have a battle on our hands. The roots of overindulgence are many and often take the Lord to eradicate. Jesus said:

“But watch yourselves, or your hearts will be weighed down by dissipation, drunkenness, and the worries of life—and that day will spring upon you suddenly like a snare.” Luke 21:34 BSB

The topic of food makes many of us Christians uncomfortable, including me! I have had a lifelong battle with food, a love affair, a go-to solution for all my ills. It runs on one side of my family, along with other factors that have made it a difficult struggle to eat wisely with temperance. One factor that is perhaps unrecognized by those who do not have this issue is that you cannot just stop eating, while you can be abstinent from alcohol, drugs, or sex.

It took some time before I could see how food had become an idol to me. God began to reveal how I habitually used food when anxious, fearful, stressed, angry or depressed. Overeating or eating an excess of special foods such as sweets, was excused when it was an occasion to celebrate, a holiday meal, or a special reward. The Lord gradually makes us aware of all the excuses we use to miss the mark in this and is able to change the desires of our hearts as we yield to Him.

Special occasions, including church potlucks (dare I say it), are reasons to break from whatever moderation has been established. Other familiar excuses (lies) include “I have had a hard day, so I deserve a treat. I will only have one. Other people can, so why can’t I? I want it, and it tastes so good.” Eventually, all this lack of self-control comes with a price to the health of our bodies in disease, joint problems, and lack of vigor.

There is no way that thinness is godliness any more than riches are. Anyone who has also had a long battle to conquer the desires of the flesh in any way will understand it is not just a matter of willpower. Those who have other challenges can be quite judgmental of those of us who struggle with this. The point of using it as an example is that God can change the desires of our hearts in all areas. We do not have to continue to fall short of the mark. There is hope, and there is deliverance!

God is more than able to change this, as well as other things that are not His best for us. In this training ground of life, we learn temperance as God reveals the reasons for our choices. He writes upon our hearts the desire for Him rather than food. He strips away gently, at other times with severe health trials, the longing for too much food and out- of-balance hunger for foods that do not nourish our bodies. We Americans have an abundance of food choices, so not surprisingly, nine out of ten diseases that cause US deaths come from life’s overindulgences.

Self-control is a fruit of the spirit that grows as we remain connected to the Vine. When we want to be like Jesus, we desire all of the fruit. Do you think Jesus ate too much fish and bread or drank too much wine? He frequently ate, drank, and enjoyed doing so in fellowship with others. He did not judge this enjoyment as sinful or wrong, but He did warn others about too much of it. We are not alone in this battle.

As we follow on to know Him and His ways more deeply, we see the bigger error in our hearts. It’s not eating too much food, but the more grave sin of missing the mark by going to other things for comfort, peace, and enjoyment rather than to our Lord. This is one of multiple examples of lack of temperance in our lives, one most familiar to me. Humans are well able to overindulge in many things we come to love as pleasure in our lives. God is continually revealing all the 21st-century idols we allow to become more important than following His will and His way.

Father God cared a great deal about the food and drink the Israelites consumed. Scientists now have the evidence of those early and extensive restrictions being preventative of disease and highly nourishing to the body. He cares what we put in our mouths, but even more, concerned about the reasons we do so in our hearts. There is a We spend much time planning for and indulging in our pleasures, all those good things we have when dwelling in a land of plenty. We excuse it because it is a good thing, not something bad that we are forbidden.

We learn the submission of will to God’s way for us to be more than conquerors through Jesus Christ our Lord in every area. When God says it is time, He grants the ability to be temperate in all areas. We do not need self-control, temperance, or moderation until and unless something is out of control! Hear the word of Paul:

"‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say—but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV

When anything from the earthly realm has mastery over us, we need to call upon God’s strength. Food may not be the issue for you as it has been for me. Pick another area in which you struggle with how much, and how often is ok to have. We desire to display moderation; we want to eat from the tree of life, which is Jesus Christ, the Lord. So what can we do? Submit our will to God, and he will change the desires of our hearts.

Be strong in His might, not our own.

“Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” Philippians 4:5-8 KJV.

Moderation. Temperance. We yield to the control of the holy spirit, not our souls, that is, our mind, will, and emotions. As God shows us His way for us in particular, many things are no longer a temptation to us. Think back to your early days of walking with the Lord, and you will see how many things have become unimportant as you filled up with the Lord Jesus Christ. He does want all of us. That includes surrender areas that many consider too small to matter to Him.

In such areas, many lack understanding of others’ struggles if they do not have these besetting sins bothering them. Naturally slim people who are never tempted to eat more than needed cannot understand why those of us who do cannot just decide to stop. Overindulgence in drink remains considered by many as a sinful lack of willpower. Other believers may look down on the addicts and alcoholics among us.

Most of us have some areas that we know are out of balance. Many snares also capture others that we cannot imagine ever doing, even desiring to do. It surely causes division and strife in the body of Christ when we judge or condemn a sister or brother for areas that we have not conquered because they were never our battle. In these areas, our intolerance can be meaningless because these areas are not where we have been tried and tested.

Where is the person who has complete control over his mind, will, emotions, and body? Such a person is perfect. Only the Lord Jesus Christ, in His time on this earth, revealed and lived a life where He never sinned. Jesus did this not by His self-will but by living fully in God’s will. The one time we read of the difference between His will and His Father’s will was His struggle in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus’ own will did not want to go the way of the cross, with its unimaginable sufferings and shame.

Jesus struggled as Father God refused His intense prayer for another way. He came out of that struggle strengthened for obedience to the Father’s will, assured that the cross was the only way to complete His mission on earth and be restored to what He had before with the Father. The Father planned the crucifixion of His only Son to make the way back to Father God for all of us. Do you see? He made the way because the Father was in Him, and He always did the Father’s will.

We are to come into a rest as we look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. We submit to Him to change every false way, every out-of-control area of our lives. It is so tempting to follow a program, set up rules, make our plans, but the outcome is in His hands. There are programs, guidelines, or plans to which the Holy Spirit guides us that bring deliverance and life for the season in which we are led to use them.

Most who struggle with food issues have tried many programs for change. But our Life, our spiritual being, is hid with Christ in God. Only He can create a new heart with new desires to do His will. Deliverance is the Lord’s power to do it. He is our deliverer! Deciding in our own will to do something, as good and beneficial as it is, typically fails unless He gives us both the desire and the power to please Him in it.

God starts with providing the will to obey, then follows the ability to master whatever has control over us. Paul said:

“For it is [not your strength, but it is God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:13 AMP

When we know we should do something but honestly just don’t want to, we ask the Lord to give us the will to do so. This amazing scripture assures us we can start where we are with God when we don’t want to make the changes that He has led us. This is different from the desperate desire to have moderation or temperance in all things, but being unable to conquer it. How wonderful to be reminded that in all things we can be honest before our God in admitting that yes, we know what His perfect will is, but we just don’t want to do it!

Isn’t this a key to parenting, to teach children that they will not get whatever they want and do not need everything they want? Father God is the best parent and may lead us in many ways to conquer our struggling flesh. We can learn to submit our will to His, to have faith in looking to Him in all things, whether minor or major. He is our life, making us conquerors over every sin that so easily besets us.

As we walk with the Lord through the years of our lives, as we follow Him to know Him as our purpose, He continually strips unprofitable desires from our hearts. He replaces our desires with His desires that bring Life to us. This is that new heart He has promised. When we become willing, He writes His nature upon ours. His nature, His mind, will, and emotions with all the five senses of our spiritual man, grow and come into being.

He promised a new heart, through the Old Testament prophets as well as in Revelation:

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart.” Ezekiel 36:26

We learn to pray with David:

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10

There has been an allure from the forbidden since Eve in the Garden. Many of us have limited or denied our children certain unhealthy choices, only to find they are learning ways to get them elsewhere. A cute but powerful example is when we were raisiing our son. We had not allowed sweets for Chris in the first few years of his life, thinking this was a healthy pattern to establish. Years later we learned from our backyard neighbors that little Chris had been showing up at their door, asking for a cookie. Of course, they gave this cute little guy a cookie when he asked!

This behavior was not too dangerous, but other things we forbid our children to have or do certainly are. Teenagers seem devoted to trying out anything forbidden by adults around them. Our Christian views about right and wrong cannot help but be influenced by the many aspects of our cultural background. We all do it, whether we are aware or not. We see through our human cultural blindness as we judge righteousness concerning the external Christian walk and ways.

Many of us have battled out-of-balance desires for food, entertainment, the wonders of technology, shopping, sex, exercise, sports, entertainment, reading, and even good works or ministry! Denying ourselves through will worship is hard to sustain. Whatever we are forbidding ourselves looms large in our minds as we focus on not doing something. Turning our focus upon the Lord and what He desires for us, what He would have us do, is much more powerful.

“If, then, you died together with Christ from the elements of the world, why, as living in the world, are you subject to decrees: You should not be touching, nor yet tasting, nor yet coming into contact, (which things are all for corruption from use),

in accord with the directions and teachings of men which are (having, indeed, an expression of wisdom in a willful ritual and humility and asceticism) not of any value toward the surfeiting of the flesh." Colossians 2:20-23 CLV

He is more than able to change our desires into His without our taking pride in what our own will has determined to do. God’s no is always for a good reason, whether we want to agree with it or not. Will He not give us all His good things? There are many activities of the flesh that Christians reject, yet overindulging in food or enjoyable pastimes seems to be an acceptable part of the Christian community. Some behaviors are not God’s best, and we all know it, but we allow them in the camp.

Of course, our heavenly Father wants us to enjoy the good things He has provided, to truly enjoy our allotment! His provision for His children is lavish, with many good things available to us, particularly in the Western modern world. And yet, out of balance, they are harmful and damaging. All things in moderation, in balance, is an important holy spirit directive He works in our hearts.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” Galatians 5:23 BSB

There is no limit to how much of the fruit of the spirit we may desire and receive. We need it all, but when we hear that we are to die to fleshly desires, many of us try to do it ourselves. This soon proves ineffective! Beating on our flesh, condemning ourselves, developing rules and regulations to change outward behavior, following programs and courses, all the while berating ourselves for failing at what we most sincerely desire to change, proves futile.

Nothing works unless God is in it, the motivator and rewarder of the peaceful and healthy life we need. It doesn’t work with others to berate their failing flesh, either. All of the self-effort keeps our eyes on ourselves rather than the Lord working His way within us. We find that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, totally unable to please God:

“The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace because the mind of the flesh is hostile to God: it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:6-8 BSB

Obedience to the laws of God is good, but, as Paul said, spiritual commandments are to lead us into Christ. God is so clear about the futility of changing the flesh, but humanity keeps trying. Most of us have books, programs, leaders, and resources, along with laws that are considered essential to control human flesh. Billions are made on ways to change any areas in our lives that are unhealthy and out of balance.

As with our human children, our Father knows our frame and that we don’t all need the same approach. We are all motivated by and for something, but it often is not what someone else wants us to be motivated to obtain. A rebellious child who continues to fail at school despite the ability to succeed is not an unmotivated child. It may appear so, but the root issues go deeper.

This child is motivated by other hidden goals, including having fun, avoiding responsibility, getting revenge, and defeating others who are pressing the child to succeed. Do you know how many young people go back to finish high school or get their GEDs within a year or two of their parents giving up on this goal? It is naive and lacking in heart wisdom to assume the child merely has to decide to control themselves to do what is necessary to succeed.

Unless He writes the truth of these changes in our hearts, however, we will struggle again and again with the same issues common to man. Ultimately, we need an inworking to sustain change, not an outer list of dos and don’ts. Oh, it is good to determine to do our best, to practice changes, and to consider ways to be more pleasing to the Lord. But many things will not change unless God changes them in us.

The holy spirit writes on our hearts, developing temperance, particularly at times when we do not want to wait. How the Lord knows our struggles and sees the intent of our hearts. Like any good parent, Father God will deal wisely and differently with each of us. He knows what lies within, as well as what our heritage contributes to the mix. Our heritage is our generational iniquity, which is no excuse either! Paul speaks to both the Corinthians and Philippians about this:

“Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.” Philippians 4:5 KJV

When we do things in moderation, we are balanced in our pursuits and desires. Paul provides a way for us to realize when we are no longer in moderation, in that balance that God reveals for His best life for us. Anything that has power over us indicates that it is in control, not God’s holy spirit. This imbalance becomes obvious when we really do not want to do something yet find ourselves doing it, over and over, just like Paul in Romans:

“We know that the law is spiritual, but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I admit that the law is good. In that case, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Romans 7:14-20 BSB

What we resist grows as it keeps our focus on the problem rather than the Lord. It is human nature to have an increasing desire for what we are restricting. Whatever it is seems to become even more attractive to us when God, society, parents, experts, and even our better selves, tell us it is forbidden. It is so very easy to do this with good things that are not seen as sinful and easily available to us. We do know these things are unprofitable for spiritual growth or physical and mental health.

The root of any behavior that becomes out of balance, even compulsive or addictive, reveals a need or lack that has not been met. It is often the desire to numb the pain of this life, including trauma and abuse. God can heal wounds that are the foundation for a lack of self-control. We need God’s spirit to fill up that space in our hearts that such activities are taking, dominating us to our detriment.

Everyone wants to feel good. Most of us will seek out whatever helps us with that. All of us can learn to compassionately love and support others who are under the control of something, either substance or behavior, rather than the holy spirit. All of it shows a need for God in our hearts. God desires us to live in peace with true liberty, not rules and structures imposed by others. There is to be no power ruling over us but Him.

“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:13-14 BSB

God knows that the problem of sin is in our hearts, where it gives birth to behaviors that do not bring life but death to us. He is not going to settle for outward compliance that appears obedient. Compliance out of fear of external controls is not the same as a desire to please the Lord above all. Jesus Christ brought His Father’s new order of the heart, moving us beyond outward behaviors displayed by our choices in life.

Out of His abundant love and mercy, He sees and provides help and healing regarding our intent and our purpose. He compassionately understands behaviors that are intended to fix a problem, to feel better, and to make our lives easier. God understands the root of our struggles, deep in our hearts, and has mercy upon us. Aren’t you glad when He recognizes when we really want to do His will but are struggling with our flesh?

God has both strong-willed, determined children and those who are easily entreated. One way or another, when we walk with our God, loving Him but continually missing the mark, we learn lessons of obedience from Him. He made our bodies and knows the unique needs of each of us. Even the many answers that science and medicine have on offer vary in their effectiveness from one person to another. That’s why there is a danger in humans prescribing what worked for themselves to someone else. Yet many are eager to tell us we should do what worked for them.

Temperance is a spiritual muscle that can be strengthened over time. We learn to deny ourselves and take up our cross in the little and the big things. We do not have to try to control something, or set laws and limits for our flesh unless we are out of control in the matter. The law is to convict us of missing the mark, with loss of control requiring external limits upon us as a warning sign. Paul taught Timothy:

“If anyone teaches otherwise and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, they are conceited and understand nothing.

They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:3-6 NIV

Paul redirects Timothy to the truth that godliness, along with contentment with what we have, are spiritual riches. Godliness purchases the most in this life, not abundance, possessions or wealth. Anyone who tries to teach that having worldly goods is a sign of godliness is missing the mark. God may choose to bless some with wealth according to His purposes, but you can purchase neither godliness nor contentment with it.

If this were true, the wealthiest in the world would display more righteousness and contentment than anyone else.

“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Romans 14:17 NIV

Far too often, great wealth does not bring great happiness, but rather a restlessness and lack of contentment. Many of us grew up believing that when we had certain possessions, experiences, or privileges, then we would be happy. Where do we go for satisfaction when we have achieved those things we thought we needed to be happy? What else drives us, causing us to yearn to achieve, to get more and more, when we have it all according to the world?

When we have or achieve that thing, the temptation is to want more because it does not satisfy the hungry heart. The desire to do more, have more, experience more may gain worldly success, power, and esteem, but righteousness in the heart? Not so, unless that heart is yielded to God such that spiritual things are the strongest desires. As we learn to be content with our lives, living and serving the Lord with gladness, our own self-focused hearts’ desires fade over time.

We are brought into the rest of God because He knows all about everything we truly need:

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NASB

This scripture is hard to believe or accept in the midst of heavy trials and struggles. There are certainly times when the Lord’s yoke does not seem easy or the burdens He allows light! There are keys to its truth, however. Often, we find our burdens heavy and difficult to bear because we are trying to carry burdens only He is equipped to carry. Developing the fruit of self-control is one of them.

The key is to come to Him. God teaches anyone who asks with a sincere heart how to turn everything over to Him and leave it there. Then it is His burden to bear on our behalf. Many burdens really are too much for us, weighing us down and bringing weariness to our souls. We carry burdens from our past and about our future. We also carry burdens for others that God did not give us to carry. Taking His yoke of discipline, submitting to His desires, becomes easier as we walk with God along our path to maturity, one day at a time.

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles strive after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Today has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:31-34 BSB

As our trust is growing, our heavenly Father teaches us about His rest. He brings us into more times of stopping, the Concordant Literal’s translation of rest from the original Greek. He teaches us how to handle and accomplish everything in His rest, including freedom from seemingly small sins. We become balanced, not burdened, displaying self-control from what He has done. with areas of our lives that remain. These smaller battles of our lives spoil the Vine of His presence blossoming into His nature and likeness.

“Catch for us the foxes—the little foxes that ruin the vineyards—for our vineyards are in bloom.” Song of Solomon 2: 15 BSB

We are on a path of faith and training we continue on our spiritual walk in this world. We are walking day by day with Him as He carries us through anything we encounter. He brings light to the sins that so easily beset us, fights our battles, whatever would try to take us over, when we surrender with whole hearts to Him. He is our self-control!

God’s way of love is far beyond the dos and don’ts of the law. He patiently deals with us as we pursue this wonderful fruit of the spirit, rewarding overcomers with lives that show forth His way: all things in moderation.