Self (?) Control
“Now the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, self-control: against such things there is no law. Now those of Christ Jesus crucify the flesh together with its passions, and lusts.” Galatians 5:22-25 Concordant
Self control? Hmm. There’s that word “self” and that’s not a reliable source! Isn’t that a contradiction to yielding all to God as He does the work? We are able to recognize that it is the nature and spirit of God that has and produces in us all of the other fruit of the spirit. We abide in the Vine of His nature and He produces the fruit within us. Why would this one fruit be an exception, something that our self-will is to accomplish?
Daily life requires control of the self-will to submit to His will. We do need this fruit of the spirit but the way it has been translated is misleading HE is our strength when we are weak. Self control, in the original Greek, is temperance—to be strong in a thing. When we have rulership over something, we are strong in it. Some things that are temptations to others are not on our list of desires at all because He changes us.
What happens when we ourselves attempt to control our flesh? It’s Romans 7 all over again:
“For I know that in me, that is, in my lower self, nothing good has its home; for while the will to do right is present with me, the power to carry it out is not.” Romans 7:18 Weymouth
It takes a very strong will to deny ourselves what we most want. Oh, it may not be what Christians would consider the “gross” sins of the flesh, but those appetites that the world labels “good” which do not give life. This is still eating from the tree of good and evil when we choose what self wants rather than doing the will of God.
And speaking of eating…that’s one of the battles we have: to eat or not to eat! I have to admit I have had a life long battle with food, a love affair, a go-to solution for all my ills. How often have I sought food when anxious, fearful, stressed, angry or depressed! How frequently has occasions of celebration been the excuse to overindulge in food that is not life-giving. Moderation goes out the window with the reasoning that it is a celebration, it’s the opportunity to eat more of the “treats” offered on such occasions, to break from whatever self control has been established.
God is more than able to change this as well as other things that are not His best for me. In this training ground of life, we learn temperance as,God reveals the reasons for our choices and changes the desires of our heart. He writes upon our hearts the desire for Him rather than food. He strips away gently—or sometimes with severe health trials—our longing for too much food and the out- of-balance hunger for foods that do not nourish our bodies.
And I am not alone in this battle. As I follow on to know Him and His ways more deeply, I see the error in my heart. It’s not eating too much food but the more grave sin. That is missing the mark by going to other things for comfort, peace and enjoyment rather than to God, Who is able to do all things. This is one of many examples of lack of temperance in our lives, which God is continually teaching us about, all those things that we try to control because many are controlling us!
We may go for the quick solution and this 21st century has an abundance of options. These seemingly take less time and certainly lack the submission of will that is God’s way for us to be more than conquerors through Jesus Christ our Lord. And we excuse it because it is a good thing, not something “bad” that we are forbidden. We do not need “self-control”—temperance or moderation—until and unless something is out of control!
Hear the word of Paul:
"I have the right to do anything," you say—but not everything is beneficial. I have the right to do anything—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV
When anything from the earthly realm has master over us, we need to call upon God’s strength, His ability to write upon our hearts HIS desires, which always bring life. That is eating from the tree of life, which is Jesus Christ the Lord. What can we do? Submit our will to God and he will change the desires of our heart. Be strong in His might, not our own.
“Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” Philippians 4:5-8 KJV.
Moderation. Temperance. Under the control of the holy spirit, not our soul. There are many things that are just not a temptation to us. In these areas, we often lack understanding of those who struggle with these same temptations in their lives. There are many snares that capture others that we cannot imagine every doing, or even desiring to do. Your battle may not be with food, but most of us have some areas that we know are out of balance.
It surely causes division and strife in the body of Christ when we judge or condemn a sister or brother for areas which we have not conquered because they never were our battle! But where is the person who has completecontrol over his mind, will, emotions, and body? Such a person is perfect and only the Lord Jesus Christ, in His time on this earth, demostrated, revealed and lived a life where He never sinned.
Jesus did this not by His self-will but by living fully in God’s will. The one time we read of the difference between His will and His Father’s will was His struggle in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus’ own will did not want to go the way of the cross, with its unimaginable sufferings and shame, but it was the only way to complete His mission on earth, be restored to what He had before with the Father, and make the way back to Father God for us also.
Do you see? He made the way because the Father was in Him and He always did the Father’s will. We are to come into a rest as we look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, to submit for His change every false way, every out-of-control area of our lives. It is so tempting to follow a program, set up rules, make our plans, but the final outcome is in His hands.
There are programs, guidelines, or plans to which the Holy Spirit guides us and these can bring life for the season in which we are led to use them. Most who struggle with food issues have tried many programs for change. But our Life, our spiritual being, is hid with Christ in God and only He can create a new heart with new desires to do His will. Deciding in our own will to do something, as good and beneficial as it is, will ultimately fail unless He gives us both the desire and the power to please Him in it. God can lead us to a program that will work, but He must be in it!
What we desire is a lasting change with no Self involved or necessary for control. Our part is to submit our will to His, have faith in looking to Him in all things, whether minor or major, counting on His life within us to make us conquerors over every sin that does so easily beset us. We can even pray where we are at, admitting we have no desire to change an area that is controlling us. Then we pray that He continually works His will in place of ours so we become willing.
As we walk with the Lord through the years of our lives, as we follow Him to know Him as our purpose, He continually strips unprofitable desires from our hearts. He replaces our desires with His desires that bring Life to us. This is that new heart He has promised. When we become willing, He writes His nature upon ours. His nature, His mind, will, and emotions with all the five senses of our spiritual man, grow and come into being.
He promised, through the Old Testament prophets as well as the Word of life in the New Testament:
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart.” Ezekiel 36:26
We learn to pray with David:
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10
There has been an allure from the forbidden since Eve in the Garden. Many of us have limited or denied our children certain unhealthy choices, only to find they are learning ways to get them elsewhere. A cute but powerful example is when we were raisiing our son. We had not allowed sweets for Chris in the first few years of his life, thinking this was a healthy pattern to establish. Years later we learned from our backyard neighbors that little Chris had been showing up at their door, asking for a cookie. Of course, they gave this cute little guy a cookie when he asked!
This behavior was not too dangerous but other things we forbid our children to have or do certainly are. Our Christian views about right and wrong cannot help but be influenced by the many aspects of our cultural background. We all do it, whether we are aware or not. We see through our human cultural blindness as we judge righteousness concerning the external Christian walk and ways.
Many of us have battled out-of-balance desires for food, entertainment, the wonders of technology, shopping, sex, exercise, and even good works or ministry! Denying ourselves through “will worship” is hard to sustain. Whatever we are forbidding ourselves looms large in our minds, as we focus on not doing something. Turning our focus upon the Lord and what He desires for us, what He would have us do, is much more powerful.
“If, then, you died together with Christ from the elements of the world, why, as living in the world, are you subject to decrees: You should not be touching, nor yet tasting, nor yet coming into contact, (which things are all for corruption from use), in accord with the directions and teachings of men? which are (having, indeed, an expression of wisdom in a willful ritual and humility and asceticism) not of any value toward the surfeiting of the flesh." Colossians 2:20-23 Concordant Literal
We are learning to trust His will to change our desires into His, not take pride in what our own will has determined to do. God’s no is always for a good reason, whether we want to agree with it or not. Will He not give us all His good things? There are many activities of the flesh that Christians reject, yet overindulging in food or enjoyable pastimes seems to be acceptable. Some behaviors are not God’s best and we all know it, but we allow it in the camp.
Of course, our heavenly Father wants us to enjoy the good things He has provided, to truly “enjoy our allotment!”His provision for His children is lavish, with many good things available to those of us in the Western modern world. And yet, out of balance, they are harmful and damaging. “All things in moderation,” in balance, is an important holy spirit directive He works in our hearts.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.” Galatians 5:23 Berean
Though it is called self-control in most translations, we really cannot rely on the self to be obedient. When we hear that we are to “die to the flesh”, for example, many of us try to do it ourselves. This proves ineffective! Beating on our flesh, developing rules and regulations to change outward behavior, following programs and courses, all the while berating ourselves for failing at what we most sincerely desire to change—all prove futile.
And it doesn’t work with others, either. This keeps our eyes on ourselves rather than the Lord working His way within us. We find that the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, unable to please God:
“The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace because the mind of the flesh is hostile to God: it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:6-8 Berean
Obedience to the laws of God is good, but, as Paul said, spiritual commandments are to lead us into Christ. God is so clear about the futility of changing the flesh, but humanity keeps trying! Most of us have books, programs, leaders and resources along with laws that considered essential to control human flesh. Billions are made on ways to change any areas in our lives that are unhealthy and out of balance.
As with our human children, our Father knows our frame and that we don’t all need the same approach. Unless He writes the truth of these changes in our hearts, however, we struggle again and again with the same issues common to man, often still in God’s waiting room. Ultimately we need an inworking to sustain change, not an outer list of do’s and don’ts. Oh, it is good to determine to do our best, to practice changes, and to consider ways to be more pleasing to the Lord. But there are also many things that will not change unless God changes them in us.
The holy spirit writes on our hearts, developing temperance, particularly at times when we do not want to wait. How the Lord knows our struggles and sees the intent of our hearts! Like any good parent, Father God will deal wisely and differently with each of us as He knows what lies within, as well as what our heritage contributes to the mix. But Paul speaks to both the Corinthians and Philippians about this:
“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 KJV
“Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.” Philippians 4:5 KJV
When we do things in moderation, we are balanced in our pursuits and desires. Paul provides a way for us to realize when we are no longer in moderation, in that balance that God reveals for His best life for us. Anything that has power over us indicates that is in control, not God’s holy spirit. This imbalance becomes obvious when we really do not want to do something yet find ourselves doing it, over and over, just like Paul in Romans:
“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I admit that the law is good. In that case, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Romans 7:14-20 Berean
What we resist grows, with the desire for what we want increasing in response to feeling deprived of it. Whatever it is seems to become even more attractive to us when God, society, parents ,or other authorities tell us it is forbidden. It is so very easy to do this with good things that are not seen as sinful and easily available to us, though unprofitable for spiritual growth or physical and mental health.
The root of any behavior that becomes out of balance, even compulsive or addictive, reveals a need or lack that has not been met. It often is the desire to numb the pain of this life, including trauma and abuse. We need God’s spirit to fill up that space in our hearts that such activities are taking, dominating us to our detriment. Trying to control ourselves without the Holy Spirit can lead to overcorrection, condemnation, frustration and failure.
Everyone wants to feel good and most of us will seek out whatever helps us with that, often to our detriment. That’s why we can compassionately love another who is under the control of something, either substance or behavior, rather than the holy spirit. All of it shows a need for God in our hearts. God desires freedom for His own and does not want any power except the holy spirit ruling us and our choices.
He knows when our hearts have conceived and built upon a desire that grows into choices and behaviors.
“When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when by his own evil desires he is lured away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” James 1:13-14 Berean
God knows that the problem of sin is in our hearts, where it gives birth to behaviors that do not bring life but death to us. God looks past the behavior to see what is in our hearts about it, dealing with each of us accordingly. He is not gong to settle with just outward behavior that appears obedient. That is mere compliance, often out of fear, rather than desire to please the Lord above all. Jesus Christ brought His Father’s new order of the heart, moving us beyond outward behaviors displayed by our choices in life. He sees and provides help and healing in regard to our intent and our purpose.
Many out-of-balance behaviors are understood as ways we are trying to fix a problem, to feel better, and to make our lives easier. God understands the root of our struggles, deep in our hearts, and has mercy upon us. Aren’t you glad that He recognizes when we really want to do His will but are struggling with our flesh? He is also no stranger to those of us who are strong-willed, determined to get what we want without waiting or obeying. One way or another, when we walk with Our God, loving Him but missing the mark, we learn these lessons from Him.
This fruit of the spirit called self-control in the KJV, is also called “temperance,” coming from a Greek root meaning “strong in a thing.” This is a spiritual “muscle” that can be strengthened over time as God works within to build the character of Christ. We learn to deny ourselves and take up our cross in the little and the big things.
We do not have to try to control something, or set laws and limits for our flesh unless we are out of control in that issue. The law is to convict us of missing the mark, with loss of control requiring external limits upon us as a warning sign. What we need is a heart change, yielding to a Higher Power, like those in Alcoholics Anonymous do. It surely is something we can support others about as they walk through very hard times.
We are learning what Paul taught Timothy:
“If anyone teaches otherwise and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain. But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:3-6 NIV
Paul is adamant that Timothy is not to listen to this as God’s message. He redirects Timothy to the truth that godliness, along with contentment with what we have, gives much benefit. Godliness “purchases” the most in this life, not possessions or wealth. Anyone who tries to teach that having worldly goods is a sign of godliness is missing the mark. God may choose to bless some with wealth according to His purposes, but you can purchase neither godliness nor contentment with it. If that were true, the wealthiest in the world would display more righteousness and contentment than anyone else.
“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Romans 14:17 NIV
Far too often, great wealth does not bring great happiness, but a restlessness and lack of contentment. Where do you go for satisfaction when you’ve achieved those things you thought you needed to be happy? What else drives you, causes you to yearn to achieve, after you have it all, according to the world? Many of us grew up believing that when we had certain possessions, experiences, or privileges, then we would be happy. Instead, we realise that when we have or achieve that thing, the temptation is to want more because it does not satisfy the hungry heart.
The desire to do more, have more, experience more may gain worldly success , power, and esteem but righteousness in the heart? Not so—unless that heart is yielded to God such that spiritual things are the highest desires. When we learn to be content with our lives, living and serving the Lord with gladness, our own self-focused heart’s desires fade over time. We are brought into the rest of God because He knows all about everything we truly need:
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NASB
This scripture can be hard to believe and hard to accept in the midst of heavy trials and struggles. There are certainly times when the Lord’s yoke does not seem easy or the burdens He allows light! There are keys to its truth, however, as this word works in our lives. The key is to come to Him. Often we find our burdens heavy and difficult to bear because we are trying to carry burdens only He is equipped to carry. He teaches us how to turn them over to Him and leave them there. Then it is His burden to bear on our behalf.
Many burdens really are too much for us, weighing us down and bringing weariness to our souls. We also carry burdens for others that God did not give us to carry. Taking His yoke of discipline, submitting to His desires, becomes easier as we walk with God along our path to maturity.
God shows us when we are holding on to things rather than surrendering. As our trust is growing, our heavenly Father teaches us about His rest. He brings us into more times of “stopping,” the Concordant Literal’s translation of “rest” from the original Greek. He teaches us how to to handle and accomplish everything in His rest. He is able to change us from within, where He dwells, so that we are in balance, not burdened with areas of our lives that remain out of control.
We are learning to submit all, a path of faith and training we continue on throughout our spiritual walk in this world. Then it is true that our burdens are easy and light, walking day by day with Him as He carries us through our hard times. He fights our battles, whatever would try to take us over, when we surrender with whole hearts to Him. His way of love is far beyond the do’s and don’ts of the law,. He patiently deals with us as we pursue this wonderful fruit of the spirit, rewarding overcomers with lives that show forth His way: all things in moderation.