What About Gentleness?
In the above scripture, gentleness, in various translations, is also called “kindness, long-suffering, or meekness.” The dictionary says that gentleness is the “quality of being kind, tender, or mild-mannered; softness of action or effect; lightness.” Gentleness involves having a humble heart that displays kindness toward others, showing itself as soft-hearted and touched with the feeling of others’ infirmities, like our Lord.
Gentleness is a type of meekness sometimes erroneously thought of as weakness. The truth is that it takes great strength to be truly meek, particularly in the face of adversity. Some may believe that a strong person, particularly a male, cannot show gentleness as it is somehow emasculating to show such vulnerability. That is surely not God’s viewpoint. Jesus was gentle, meek, and mild, yet spoke with authority such as the scribes and Pharisees had never heard.
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29 NIV
Gentleness is recognized as that special quality of strong and mighty people humbling themselves in meekly dealing with others, such as children and those with lesser authority or stature. This quality covers dealing gently with spouses, friends, neighbors, and communities. We are truly touched, for example, to see a big, strong man hold his precious child with gentleness. It is quite impactful when a famous or powerful person remains humble and kind when interacting with others.
This is just like Jesus, Who was gentle with sinners, never berating them for their sins, speaking to them harshly, or chastising them as He did the religious leaders of His time. This is tempered, controlled strength rather than weakness or lack of strength. More than one leader God has chosen is meek and gentle in their nature, while God uses them as strong and mighty warriors on behalf of His kingdom and His people.
Consider Moses, the great leader of the Israelites, whom God used to bring them out of bondage:
“Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman whom he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman. And they said, ‘Has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has he not spoken through us also?’ And the Lord heard it.
Now the man Moses was very meek, more than all people who were on the face of the earth… ‘Hear my words: If there is a prophet among you, I the Lord make myself known to him in a vision; I speak with him in a dream.
Not so with my servant Moses. He is faithful in all my house. With him I speak mouth to mouth, clearly, and not in riddles, and he beholds the form of the Lord. Why then were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?” Numbers 12:1-2; 6-8 ESV
Moses did not defend himself with Miriam and Aaron. God did. Meekness is an attitude, a quality of character that is submissive and yielding rather than dominant and intractable. It is the way the Lord wants all of His servants to relate to Him, with total surrender to our God. The powerful impact of gentleness is clear in other Old Testament passages:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1 NIV
“Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.” Proverbs 25:15 NIV
“You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.” Psalms 18:35 NIV
These passages show the great power of this fruit of the spirit in interactions with others. David realized that the gentleness of God made him great, a mighty and powerful warrior with a heart for God who was humble even when corrected for grievous sin.
Gentleness may be admired, but is it sought like the other fruit of the spirit? The fruit of the spirit are not rank-ordered, though love, of course, encompasses all of them. Yet how many sermons have we heard about gentleness? When we follow after to know the Lord in His fullness, we should desire to display them all, the fullness of God in Christ Jesus within us. Would every Christian take it as a compliment if told they are gentle?
Gentleness is surely valued and highly recommended to believers in the New Testament:
“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone.” Titus 3:1-2 NIV
“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.” James 3:17 NIV
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 NIV
In these scriptures, we see what is joined to gentleness in a person of godly character. Gentleness is named with obedience, doing good, not slandering, peaceable, considerate, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, sincere, compassionate, kindness, humility, and patience. These qualities of one’s nature are obtainable by the holy spirit planted within every believer. The Lord is more than able to tame even a fiery character into this righteous standard.
Gentleness is a fruit of the spiritual seed the Lord has planted and will nurture in us as we are maturing to be like Him. Our Lord was born a male and fully masculine while displaying all the fruit of the spirit in His nature. While gentleness may be undervalued, whether in our American culture or many others, we surely do not want to miss out on this wonderful quality of the fullness of Christ within.
We are a nation of doers, so perhaps that is the reason gentleness does not seem to show up in American ministry like other fruit of the spirit. But gentleness is much appreciated by the sensitive hearts and spirits of others, particularly children. When a child tests a gentle, godly parent, they often learn there is a cord of great strength present as well. Gentleness does not mean lack of strength, but strength under control in word and deed.
Gentleness is a quality that is sensed perhaps even more than seen. All of God’s creation appreciates a gentle spirit! Animals are very attuned and responsive to a gentle nature. Their spirit senses when being approached by a gentle and loving human. Where there is fear or shame, gentleness, even in confrontation, helps others hear more easily what is being said. Paul, that bold apostle, says:
“Let your gentle spirit [be known] to all people. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5, NASB
In this scripture, the King James version translates gentle spirit as “moderation.” The Greek word is epieikes, meaning “mild, gentle, moderate, patient.” Going deeper into the Greek root, eiko means to “be weak, that is, yield, give place.” What an interesting thing for Paul to tell the Philippians. You would think he would say, “Let your faith…” or “Let your joy…” or any of the other aspects of His nature be known to all men.
This quality of gentleness must have been highly important to be followed by the reminder that the Lord is near! When the Lord is near, so is His gentleness. While society seems to value the powerful and rich, He shows forth His distinction in highly valuing gentleness in His people. God enjoys when His people distinctly show forth rare qualities less valued by human nature. Harshness drives others away, but gentleness is a magnet.
Most respond to gentleness, maybe even melt a little inside, when receiving a gentle or kind word or gesture, especially if unanticipated or undeserved. Our Lord, without doubt, was the strongest human ever, and He is gentleness. Jesus tells us that being gentle and humble will bring rest to our souls. Our gentleness is made visible when we are not arrogantly insisting on our position or defending our rights,
Gentleness shows forth in humble acceptance of whatever the Lord brings our way. We learn to yield to what is rather than what we would like to be. Pride is the opposite of humility, isn't it? Human pride is easy to activate, but when we are humble, we neither defend nor explain ourselves unless God so leads. And we certainly do not need to defend God! In His gentleness, Jesus modeled being a servant, not an arrogant master.
Jesus came to serve, and so are we in this world, the servants of God to others. To minister is to serve, not to be waited upon and exalted. Though we are not all created with gentle and kind natures, we cannot use the excuse “Well, that’s just not how God made me.” God would not list gentleness as a fruit of the spirit if He were not able to produce that characteristic in every one of us.
Sincere Christians desire to have an appropriate Christ-like heart response in every situation. We can trust the Lord to write these characteristics, each one of the fruit of the spirit, on our hearts, so we can be like our Lord. If we only have one style of interacting, even if it is just gentleness, we are out of balance. There’s a saying, “If the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem you see is a nail.” (A. Maslow, 1966)
Our wonderful Lord has many different facets to His nature, responding to the uniqueness of each person. Do you suppose He interacted with strong-willed Peter the same as tender-hearted John? Peter and John had very different personalities, but Jesus knew their hearts. They both became mighty servant apostles, laying down their lives for their Lord. He has endless tools to change us into His likeness and image.
Jesus knew what experiences would shape each into what was necessary for their calling. We are not to be concerned with such differences. Jesus told Peter not to worry about how others would respond in their calling:
“Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved [John] following them. He was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper to ask, ‘Lord, who is going to betray You?’ When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’
Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain until I return, what is that to you? You follow Me!’” John 21:20-22 BSB
Don’t concern yourself with what He does with others. Just follow Jesus. Gentleness does not co-exist with superiority or dominance over others or in competition for power and position. While there are gifts differing, we are all of one Body. When one of God’s people is elevated over another because of God’s calling, the human heart may begin to harbor all kinds of fleshly considerations, but that is not the Lord’s way. God takes no pleasure in one part of His body lording it over or being envious of another part of His body.
In fact, God hates division. There is no division in Love. Such behavior comes from our flesh, showing up immediately as competition for leadership and power in the early church. Jesus said we are called to be servants, humble as He is, not to rule with pride of position. Some religious leaders of today seem to have forgotten this, with gentleness rarely displayed.
Perhaps this is part of the reason for Paul’s admonition to Timothy:
“But avoid foolish discussions with ignorant men, knowing--as you do--that these lead to quarrels; and a bondservant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be inoffensive towards all men, a skillful teacher, and patient under wrongs.” 2 Timothy 2:24 Weymouth
Paul fathered Timothy in the Lord, and he was closest to Paul during Paul’s ministry. Just so, God knows how to Father each of us in our calling. Inoffensive responses to the quarrelsome who want to debate foolish topics surely require gentleness. It is not effective to respond to the quarrelsome with a quarrel. A soft answer does work wonders!
“A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 1:1 KJV
Surely this takes humility, a close companion to gentleness. How much more of the light and presence of God is noted when strength is humbled to gentleness and meekness, as in our Lord? It does take G od’s wisdom and understanding to respond in edifying ways to all we encounter.
We are definitely not all alike! Some have a gift for being straightforward in conversation rather than tenderly empathic and loving with others. God promised we’d have all the tools, not just one or two of them, for the work He calls us to do. Each of us is created with the capacity to show forth the love of God, to be enChristed in our own unique ways.
It does not take much to share a genuinely kind word of encouragement to those around us, particularly those who invisibly but daily provide for our needs in so many little and big ways. There are many working in the services sector who keep our homes and our lives running behind the scenes in our society. To share a word of appreciation for what others do, to find ways to acknowledge others’ work and its value to us, is a small thing greatly appreciated by others.
Gentleness can be practiced as God leads until it is established in our hearts. Then gentleness easily flows out in sincerity to others. When we encourage, thank, and praise others, noticing their efforts and their challenges, it is a key way to edify, to build up those around us. Words of encouragement are valued, cherished, and remembered by most.
When problems occur, a gentle comment smooths the way over the difficulty. Gentleness does not desire another to suffer hurt, responding tenderly when it happens. Gentleness rather than harshness has soothed many an angry or troubled soul. Anger begets anger, and such emotions, though humanly understandable or justified, rarely lead to problem-solving.
When we return anger for anger, we become too busy defending ourselves or our position, thinking of our answers rather than listening for understanding. We are reacting instead of spiritually responding. When we feel personally attacked, our attention is drawn away from what we may have actually done wrong that was offensive or requires correction. Children, especially in their innocent foolishness, need gentle understanding when they make mistakes and create messes.
A child knows that words can lie, but the tone of voice and facial expression do not. They don’t have the mental or emotional development to understand their behaviors or the consequences. This is in contrast to the child, or adult, who routinely, willfully, and arrogantly challenges authority. Such children become skilled in getting others into arguments that distract from what they have done. A gentle answer can stop them in their tracks, convicting their young hearts much more than an angry rebuke.
It is also a red flag for a child’s future when the child does not show gentleness or compassion, particularly with animals. This child may not have the capacity for empathy. Most children have to be taught how to be empathic. Children need to be taught how to put themselves in the place of others, to identify with another’s feelings. And, of course, children also learn harshness from adults, so it is imperative to have the Lord in our parenting.
Softened hearts can receive the word of the Lord in a way that a hard and arrogant heart cannot. God uses the rain, the presence of His Spirit, to soften our earthly hearts as He causes the seed of His word to grow. It is the same with natural rain so necessary to plant crops on formerly dry earth. Our softened hearts become even more thirsty for the word of truth, along with the rain of His spirit, the love of God.
A softened heart is much more apt to be gentle and kind. We know we are to love as God loves, loving our neighbor as ourselves. When asked by His disciples, Jesus said this is the second commandment, after loving the Lord:
“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself .’
All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 NIV
Does love thrive with harshness and arrogance? No, it does not. As we grow into Him, we anticipate our Lord dealing with our hearts, removing any root of harshness and arrogance, pride, and control. More than one arrogant person, deep down, harbors fear rather than confidence. It’s sad when someone uses pride, arrogance, and controlling ways to cover up their vulnerability and fear. Some have learned that it is not safe to be vulnerable or fearful. When people attempt to control rather than be kind and gentle, they need even more love!
There is a way for Christians to honor all people, to show forth the gentleness of our God with everyone. This is not weakness, but meekness. What would happen to national and international politics if those in authority practiced gentleness and kindness in their leadership and interactions with others? Jesus was known for His godly authority and His leadership is unparalleled. So too would kind and gentle leaders be most powerful. There are probably some leaders like this, but they may not make the news!
Finally, let’s look at the need to be kind and gentle to ourselves. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is a balance here that many Christians miss. It is not selfishness to love ourselves; it is natural. We may speak very harshly to ourselves, saying things we would never say to another. Perhaps our internal conversation sounds similar to the harsh and critical voices of correction from our past.
Jesus does not mistake a lack of confidence or self-esteem as a display of gentleness and humility. It comes from a heart fear of others.
“For he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’” Hebrews 13:5b-6 KJV
God loves us no matter what. He promised to forget the past. He is not the one battering us in our consciences. If you have ever had the Lord on your case, prompting you to do the right thing, you know it is not the same. Harshness and arrogance, internally as well as externally, attempt to cause fear and shame, to beat us into submission, railing at us with words, threats, and even scripture.
This is coercion by fear, not truth in love. This way of interacting may reap compliance at most, but rarely a changed heart. It is less likely to work the recognition of wrong by heartfelt submission, resulting in genuine change. God does not speak to us in this way, though He has a very firm voice to get our attention when we are in danger or being disciplined. God’s truth is always fully married to His mercy and love.
God the Father, as seen in His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord, is always and forever compassionate and of great patience with His children. He comes internally to judge our flesh to change us, showing us where correction is necessary for growth, always with a redemptive purpose in mind. Aren’t you glad He is gentle?
Think about it. Should gentleness be something to pray about, to seek?